Expense Reports
by The Laughing Fool
Summary: Roy and Ed talk about what they always talk about. Expense reports. Crack!Fic-short drabble. RoyEd in it if you squint!


Hey there.

This is a super-short FMA one shot with a splish-splahs a' RoyEd.

-Which, honestly, I never really went for and never thought I would- _until_ a friend recommended a RoyEd fic to read that was just _too adoreable _to resist.

So here's my shot at it:

Title: Expense Reports

Summary: Office time Crack!Fic-They're talking about expense reports...what else?

Disclaimer: I don't own a thing.

And...here...we...-go-

* * *

"We need to talk, Fullmetal."

"So formal," Ed walked up to the desk where the Colonel sat and took the seat across from him. They were alone in the office. "What is it this time? Al and I just got back into Central. I want to go to bed and I have a headache that's trying to burst out of my skull."

"This comes first."

"What is it then?" Ed said tersely.

Roy braced himself for the torrent. "Expense reports."

Ed rolled his eyes and scowled in no particular direction, "We talked about that last time."

"We keep getting new ones." Mustang said evenly, "Yours just came in today," he held up a sealed letter, "and I thought we could open it together."

"Ok," Ed let his head fall in his hands and rubbed his forehead. He sighed warily, "Go ahead. I'm here. Let's do it."

Roy blinked. And paused. Blinked again.

"Well this is unexpected," he said. "We usually play this game differently."

Edward grunted from somewhere within his hands which the Colonel took to mean: _Really? How so?_

"Well, for starters," he said setting the letter onto the desk, "you're usually a lot more hostile when it comes to the subject of expenditures. I have but to say the word and you're gone on a rant about 'hard times', 'government exploitation of minors' and 'state corruption.'" He paused in his grand gesturing and looked down at Ed who seemed to be ignoring him. "I was prepared for a _little _anger."

Still nothing, the Colonel sat back in his chair. "Have we discovered a new-found maturity or is your budget that clean this month?"

Ed looked up with a bland expression and raised his eyebrows.

"I'm at somewhat of a loss here," Roy admitted.

"Think your enemy has a weakness and it becomes his strength," Ed mumbled absently and set his elbows on the desk, massaging his temples.

"And where have you picked up such sage wisdom?" Roy asked with a small smile.

"Some asshole was yelling it at me somewhere. Can't remember." But there wasn't the usual energy behind Ed's sarcasm and it came off sounding kind of hollow. Roy began to wonder if something really was wrong. That it wasn't just a headache.

"Ed, are you alright?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Ed said tiredly. "I just want to go to sleep,"

Roy leaned closer to Ed over the desk and lightly held the boy's wrists, looking at him intently. "Alright," he said, "go to the dormitories and get some sleep. Are you sure there's nothing you want to talk about?"

Ed dropped his hands from his temples and laid them across the desk, breaking the Colonel's hold. "There's nothing to talk about. May I go?"

"Yes, Ed."

Ed dragged his arms lethargically off the desk and stood with his hands at his side. He offered the Colonel an empty smile and walked out of the office, leaving the man wondering what the cause of this odd behavior was.

Out in the hallway, Al was sitting on a bench against the wall and let out a sigh when his brother exited the office. He heard the whole exchange. Ed shut the Colonel's door and nodded for Alphonse to follow him down the hall.

"You know, Brother," Al said, walking along side his brother, "that really wasn't very nice of you. The Colonel seemed genuinely concerned. How can you manipulate his trust like that?"

Ed turned back to Al, but kept the pace, "Are you kidding me? After all the manipulation that man's put _us _through, you're going to berate _me _for being deceitful?" Ed snorted. "And what of your eavesdropping, Mr. Virtue?"

"But still," Al insisted, "you shouldn't have done that."

"Believe me, Al," Ed said with a wave of his hand and produced the letter from the pocket of his red coat. "With an expense report like _this month's, _I'm doing both of us a favor."

* * *

There we have it-R&R if you please-criticism and whatever is greatly appreciated.

Thank you for reading!

-SAM300BATH


End file.
